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Updates 2.0

Been working minimal hours lately at the one job and it's becoming really frustrating... I'm not even sure if I'll get enough to pay for my insurance payment next week. Not to mention the fact that I don't have the money for the taxes that are due, the MVI inspection, the emergency brake cable to be fixed and for gas... so needless to say my car is going to be sitting on the parking lot for at least 2 weeks... BACK to square one.

Well at least I have a car, and something to show for my money, just totally sucks that's all.


What comes around goes around.
History repeats itself.


Girl Takes H1N1 Shot...

This is just one of many reasons I don't want to get this shot... we don't even know the effects of this shot shortterm, or long term, and I don't trust it.

Calvin Harris: Blue

Gym-goer Lifestyle

Oh man, it's definitely becoming a thing for me now... I can't even look at something high in calories and comparing that to a certain amount of time I have to be on that damn elliptical! I mean that's good, but it could also become very bad... or maybe I'm just starting to think healthy again. I dunno, but I'm liking the changes beginning to happen to my body already - and it's been only a week!

Yesterday I took a day of rest and didn't go to the gym, but relaxed after a night out on the town, no more soreness from Saturday's gym trip, so I'm ready to go today and push myself a little harder again.

My new love has become Walnuts and Cashews... obviously only a measured amount because of the loaded down trans fats and such in them, but they're just so tasty and definitely a lot better than potato chips... and they also contain protein which is good!

Drinking a min. of 3.4L of water a day is still a little hard so I always try to have a full glass of water next to me whereever I go so I am constantly drinking that.

I read a few days ago that 80% of the time we're hungry, we're actually just thirsty! So I've been trying it out, and eating little bits here and there, mixing up the food groups and I've noticed I don't whop down huge amounts of food like I used to... sure I'd love to just have 2 servings of my mothers amazing Shepherds Pie, but I just have to think... 45mins on the elliptical!

Ps. My family is gone to get their H1N1 Shots right now I believe... they called me this morning and asked if I was going to go, I said no... so I suffered their wrath again. -Sigh-

H1N1: Swine Flu

So I was approached by my family and asked whether or not I was going to get vaccinated when the clinics open up within the next week... I said no. My mother said that I had to because she didn't want to get swine... and I replied, "But you're taking the shot, aren't you?"

Something doesn't sit well with me about this whole situation and how everyone is seeming to blow it out of proportion, so I went to the media and to the WHO and I begun my research.

Apparently since the outbreak of the H1N1 it's been released that 4800 people have died, which doesn't seem to be a lot. Sure it's still a lot of family members and a lot of brothers and sisters and sons and daughters, but statistically it's not a lot of people.

So I reflected on the normal flu, and exactly how many people yearly this more "common" flu has been killing, with little to no hysteria caused throughout the world.

Taken directly from the WHO's website, I quote:
Influenza epidemics occur yearly during autumn and winter in temperate regions. Illnesses result in hospitalizations and deaths mainly among high-risk groups (the very young, elderly or chronically ill). Worldwide, these annual epidemics result in about three to five million cases of severe illness, and about 250 000 to 500 000 deaths. Most deaths associated with influenza in industrialized countries occur among people age 65 or older. In some tropical countries, influenza viruses circulate throughout the year with one or two peaks during rainy seasons.
Yet that was never a reason to invest $400 million into Pharmaceutical companies for imunizations for the nation... but on the flip side I do respect that the government is going an extra step to potentially help it's citizens, I do. But this just doesn't sound right.

So I looked to the history books, and through this I found that previously we've been hit with a Swine flu, with little to no implications of a worldwide pandemic, or mass hysteria.

1918, 1976, 1988, 1998, and in 2007 an outbreak in the Philippines amongst only pigs, and now, 2009 among humans. Some would look at this as being a potential evolution of the virus and maybe, just maybe, this time the virus has figured out a way to wipe out the entire earth and take over the world!

And lest we forget the terrible AVIAN influenza that rocked the worlds and destroyed the human population last year... or sorry was that SARS... or maybe that was the common cold! The WHO has a graph that shows the breakdown of deaths of the so called pandemic of avian influenza last year, and as you can see... it doesn't seem like much of a pandemic to me.

[Avian Influenza Cumulative Number of Confirmed Human Cases.]

I think we need to calm down, eat healthy, get in shape, maintain a healthy lifestyle and continue our lives without pumping chemicals and other diseases into our systems that we barely even know the consequences of yet... already there have been a few cases of complications with the H1N1 shot, and it the hasn't even been globally administered yet... imagine on the large scale how many deaths could come from the side effects... my gods! that's another case for another WORLD WIDE PANDEMIC!

I'm never leaving my house again.


Anyone have any idea how to temporarily get rid of this muscle soreness? Obviously it's from many years of not going to the gym so my body is just going AWOL but I definitely am still going to the gym in an hour regardless... I'll just take my time doing more stretches and slowly warm up.

I was told the sauna helps after working out, is this true?


So I've begun my addiction to going to the gym again, which is good because I'm really starting to enjoy removing myself from my daily schedule and just going there and getting out some frustration.

Getting in shape is definitely a good side of it too, as I feel I've slipped big time physically when my body and it's been bringing me down for quite some time now. My first day with the trainer today was amazing and you really do get your money's worth with a trainer in the sense that they push you and KNOW what you need to do.

Knowledge of the machines and what they can do for you is definitely an asset and something I'm trying to take in so that in the future I'll be good to go!

12:11am, October 21, 2001.

Mark this date and time... I'm not sure how much longer I can take, and I'm not kidding.
I got "let go" from Andre's today for absolutely no reason because I did excellent at that job and customers loved me and when I asked the owner why, she said she didn't have to give me a reason because of the 3 month probationary period in which she can just let go of me for no reason.

I honestly don't know anymore... as mentioned in my last post, and transferred over into today, I just keep getting shit on more and more, no matter what I do and no matter what I invest in anything and it's just not fucking fair at all.


So I've been having less and less to write about, mostly because I've been going through this anti-social kind of thing where I feel removing myself from society would help me redesign myself: both my personality and my subconscious. I'm learning more and more than I know myself less and less, and it's bugging me.

Am I really a bad person for believing in fairy tales and trying to force myself to have a positive outlook on things? (When really deep down I am very negative, so there's this inner conflict.) I'm not sure how to approach these things anymore and I know I've said it before, but this time it's different.

I don't know what to do and I'm not sure how to approach getting better of this, and figuring myself out... do I read more? do I relax more? do I sit on the edge of my bed and cry more? Do I go for longer drives with some tunes playing in the background more? I'm just not sure what to do. Maye I just have something wrong with me, not to sound extreme, but possibly I could be clinically depressed or something more? Could I have some sort of personality disorder where I just am so fucked up I can't even view things in the way I should? I apologize for the questions, but these are just a few of the questions I ask myself.

So I'll address you (My subconscious, my motives and my understanding.)

What am I supposed to do? What do you want from me and how can I better understand you. How can I be approached by a situation and be able to determine whether it's the realistic outcome or my erratic subconscious thwarting the design?

Can you stop? Can you stop blowing things out of proportion and trying to second guess me? Can you please stop seeing the worst in people and distrusting everyone... Can you stop making me push people away? I hate that. I hate the distance I set between myself and the one's closest to me... all because of you.

I need to control you, and I need to control you now. I need to learn when I can switch the Off button and how to effectively hit that switch before any further harm is done... otherwise I'll snap and won't be able to handle this anymore... I won't be able to continue on down this path with this continual conflict inside me and this void full of blackness and no emotion.

My heart is so cold, and I think you have something to do with it... it's never the now, it's the past and the potential future that haunts me and scares me, and it effects me in the now. I know it shouldn't, but you see to that. You make sure I hold grudges and that I see everything askew. You're the lenses through which I see my life, you shape my understanding and my perception... and I'm only now realizing that what I see isn't the truth but something tainted and spoiled by your influence.

Someone, or something help me please before this comes to a bitter (or wishful) end.

There's a loonie on my floor.
My finger tips are holding onto the cracks in our foundation,
and I know that I should let go,
but I can't.
And every time we fight I know it's not right,
every time that you're upset and I smile.
I know I should forget, but I can't.
- Excerpt from Foundations by Kate Nash


I am beyond glad that I made it through today and tonight and finally got home without losing my mind or killing myself.
Absolutely tired.

I love when it rains, and the road is all completely wet and you stop at a red light and all the roads around you are all bright red... I think it's the coolest thing ever.
Good night... of what I remember?
Eating a salad now.
Work in a few minutes and I need to still shave.
Not sure what today holds really, so it's going to be very interesting. I know I work until 9pm and then after I'm going to go visit my friend from Windsor, ON who's in town (Well, 30mins away) for the week with work.

A familiar face would be nice.

Ps. I got to go to the gym as soon as I get money, because I'm feeling so shitty about myself lately, it's just getting on my nerves.

My Life

Why can't I ever get it right, why is it I can have it all and feel like I have nothing?

There's a hole in my life, a missing secret key, but its out of reach... Its so far away and its not fair!

Could I have been SO close to the solution to my heartache and that inner void and ended up tossing it away for a failed attempt at a better future?

It would seem so.

I'm nothing without you, and I don't know how to express this.

ZARDOZ (The movie)

"Pretty much just Sean Connery running around basically naked showing you his balls dangling everywhere."

Turkeyday Sucks.

Turkeyday sucks for the following reasons:
1) Everything is closed
2) Everything is closed
3) Everything is closed
4) Not sure what to do on my mandatory day off
5) Everything is closed.

Turkeyday rocks for the following reasons:
1) Forced day off.


Omg it's almost Halloween! What a special day of the year for me and I am not even sure what I want to do yet! (Oh yeah and today is Thanksgiving but whatever, that's a stupid holiday anyways, other than giving me a free day off this week!)

I have yet to carve the two pumpkins I bought, so maybe I will do that tonight since I feel a little bit better, but I don't know...
Definitely enjoy driving my car around everywhere and I think tomorrow I'm going to Halifax with one of my friends from Staples, so that'll be nice. I'm totally going there just for Starbucks which is totally loser-ish of me... but I've been craving Starbucks for weeks now! Oh well.


Omg where have I been?? I've become a blog-slacker!

Ok so I finally got the car that I had wanted, and it's absolutely amazing. Last night drove with my friends Jeannie, Melissa and Nick to Antogonish, NS for some McDonalds at like 930pm, drove there and back and drove everyone home, just in time for my 12am driving curfew! (I KNOW it's ridiculous, damn government!)

Here's a picture of my baby.

Cute huh? Yeah I know there's a lot of thing I definitely have to work on and here's the list:
Better Exhaust
Lowered 1.5-2.0"
Better Rims
Tint Windows
HID / Angel Halo Headlamps
LED Tail lights

It's not a HUGE list, but I mean it's definitely going to take some time, and I can't do alot right now because the winter is coming and I don't want to A. Get stuck in snow, or B. Destroy my rims, so I think mostly I will get the windows tinted and better headlamps for the winter! Going to Canadian Tire tomorrow afternoon to check out some prices.

Anyways that's what's new, working a lot lately and not having much time for anything. Plus being sick all I've wanted to do was sleep.

So I'm definitely very antsy about Friday coming and such and getting the car... and to make matters worst I work 12pm-8pm Friday during the day so the day is just going to drag by I bet. Not to mention I'm getting sick too so it's just gonna be a long ass two days until I finally get my baby in the drive way!
Ruh roh, called into work today to work 12-8 instead of my day off... which is good because I definitely need the money for paying off that car. But on the flip side, I'm also getting sick and today would have been a good recovery day, so I'll have to bring lots of Vitamin C endowed beverages to work to help combat this cold I think I'm getting!

Ps. Listening to the Wicked! soundtrack and now I realize how obsessed I was with this musical when I know every word to every song. YOIKES!

9 the Movie

What a cute movie so far.
I mean I'm only half way through and had to stop so the movie could load a little bit more. The plot so far is pretty nice, nothing overly extravagant but it has that Post-Acopolyptic type feel to it, which is what I enjoy.

The animation is really good and almost realistic looking for someone who doesn't have HD or any real good graphics card/video card, so it would probably be that much better in HD.

It's the story of a little rescue mission this puppet figure that has some kind of basic machining inside of him that allow him to move and speak, and have cognitive abilities.

Definitely going to be interesting to see where this movie is going, and I'm sure I'll do a quick update to let you know what I feel about the end of the movie.

I feel this movie hasn't received a lot of publicity which I like, because then I don't get all hyped up about it to be let down after I've seen it. So we're starting at a 0 here and working it's way up real fast, in my books!

*EDIT* Just finished the movie and it was really good! Cute! I didn't know it was a Tim Burton movie until I looked it up, and now I can definitely see his influence on the movies style. Thin plot? I think not! It was a nice little plot. Maybe a 2nd one coming out? That would be neat!

Car Hunting Updates!

So we went and looked at a 1999.5 (The in between model) VW GTI and I fucking loved it. The price is a lot more steep than I had normally been looking for, but the car is in GREAT condition, looks SO hot and is totally the car I want.

You can do a lot of mods to this particular model. I'm very excited about this.

It's silver, got power everything, moonroof, MANUAL <3 It has a 6CD Change but I don't really prefer but whatever not a big deal. Won't be until late next week before I can afford to put it on the road though because the price of the car kind of put me in the whole but I'm sure I can muster up 500$ somewhere *pukes* I have some pictures I stole from the Kijiji website but I'll have better ones up once I get it washed and cleaned and such!

I can't wait to get to work some shit into this thing, like new rims, tinted windows, etc, maybe a new exhaust tip and some engine mods to tweak the engine! My brothers already have a bunch of shit they want to do to it personally.

I'm really excited/nervous!

But here she is!..

So I am just up, getting ready right now to go look at Jeannie's car and see what her Dad can do for me price wise. Hopefully not too much needs to get done to it because I really want that car, or just any car in general!

Shower time!

*EDIT* Apparently the water is brown?? So no shower this morning maybe a little later, hopefully before work or I'll be very very cranky at work!!


Today I'm very annoyed. Listening to Yeasayer so that's helping I guess, and waiting to hear from my friend about her car that I might potentially buy, should everything piece together right.

Did my laundry, vacuumed, cleaned my room a bit and now just waiting to go to work for 5pm. I can't wait to get a car so I can just go into the city and meet some people and just have some fun for a change. I think I deserve that by now.

I think once I get my car paid for and such I'm hoping by next week to have enough money to buy a Desktop, which I'll need help purchasing... I know quite a bit about computers and such right now but I know I always want 2nd, and 3rd opinions on what's the best deal because I definitely am buying a new desktop for the sole reason of playing WoW which is kind of nerdy but whatever.

Ps. Once I get a car I am totally joining the nearest gym and getting buff, I'm sick of being pudgy (Well not really pudgy or anything, just not in shape anymore and it's depressing).

I wanna get ripped!