FML

Today is totally going to suck I can feel it in my bones already - no coffee, and I feel drowsy and like shit... not a good combination.

this is the last of this - spending every last penny I have left... with the credit card either on the way or not, I am making some leeway and never spending all my money again. I am going to budget.

And that's final.

Hello? Hello? HELLO?

Yeah so I admit I've been MIA lately. But that's almost the story every time I've been blogging lately. I've just had nothing exciting or exceptionally annoying to blog about really.

I know one thing though, and that's I am absolutely obsessed with Twitter and TweekDeck because it is constantly on the go... do you know what an API Limit is? I didn't... but NOW I do because I surpassed it and got told to RELAX.

I want a new computer and I did my AMD training so I'm pretty sure I'll be sticking with an AMD this time around... fucking INTEL. I want thew new Phenom II X4 mmmm with a 1GB GDDR3 graphics card so I can play my sexy computer games and then hit up AMD Infinity to hook up 3 monitors and have surround view...

World of Warcraft BEWARE because I am coming back... once I buy my 60 day game card this week... I know it's on the fucking list ok? So relax you fucking nerds.

>_>

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So I'm not sure how I'm going to get through the next few weeks... it's definitely going to be a struggle. I forsee it coming and so I'm trying to gather up the energy and the patience needed to get over this last hump for a while (hopefully.) I need to find myself a full time job so I can get a steady flow of money coming in because this part time bullshit is really driving me nuts... never knowing exactly how much I'm going to be getting - some weeks an adequate amount and others a very small amount - and unfortunately this week will be the small amount... resulting is possibly not enough money for my insurance which will bounce the payment (charging me 50$ ontop of the 184$) and giving some more bad credit.

So I discovered, via a friend, a new band that I must say I really enjoy. The Temper Trap (Click me!).

They have a familiar sound, maybe a mix of some bands I enjoy that I can't entirely put a finger on... maybe some Interpol rhythm with some vocals from Sigur Ros (Without the Icelandic sexiness.)

So today I'm going to do my 6/7 day routine and go to the gym, then off to work because I picked up a shift tonight.. so I work 4-9pm which is a shitty shift... but I made a vow after yesterday's staff meeting that I'm going to be more intense about my job... even if it's just a bullshit part time job but still it's all about image and reputation here in this little town so you never know when I might need a reference or someone to pull some strings for me!

I apologize for nothing really substantial to write about lately... it's mostly because I'm just going through a rut again - really though? when am I not going through a rut these past few years. I guess it would be something different to say that I'm NOT going through a rut... that would definitely be a surprise to myself and to many.

Had a talk with my parents this morning they said I don't seem happy and that whenever I come home I go directly to my room and lock myself away - which is true. I must say I'm not fairing well with this living back home again, it's just too stressful because they haven't changed at all in the 4 years I've been away, and I've changed quite a substantial amount... and so they treat me the same. But my mother makes dinner which is nice... and wholesome.

Tonight I'm going to hang out with my friend Jay again, it's been fun hanging the past few days and just having someone to connect with... someone that's there, as Eric's said before. And I agree, it's been nice. He's going to Brazil for a month, then back to work on the cruise ship for a few more months then moving back home here in May... which seems so far away. I'm sick of waiting, and constantly being up in the air about everything, I want something substantial and someone to feel the way I feel for them - I want reciprocation and mutuality.

I also want money and to not be broke so I have something to share with someone.

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*Sigh*

I don't know why I did this... I don't know why I moved back home.
Nothing has changed in my family, only things have gotten worst and more confusing as days go by.

But hey I have more money now? Hoping for a super cheap car by next week maybe the next 2 weeks if I want to save for something a little better... I don't know I just can't deal with alot of things right now.

Maybe I'll take the 1500$ and fly back to Windsor.

... Fuck it maybe I'll take the money and fly to England and start over everything new.

To do list:

- Transfer driving licence to nova scotia
- Pick up paycheck #2 from staples
- Go look at new glasses! (yay me needs new spectacalis)
- Go to andres for some pasta and wine!

Ok that wasn't too bad of a list really, just now I need my dad to be home with my brothers' car because that's what I need as transportation.

Although I have the faint feeling that probably only one of these items will be completed today... maybe two.
All I know is I need some wine flowing through my fucking system.