Updates

So I've been slacking with my blog posts... mostly because I've just been so blah lately I haven't really found it in me to post much of anything. I've been continuing along my gym path... progress is great, energy is up (more than before at least) and my confidence is gaining.

Also been playing WoW a lot and now I have two level 60 characters.

Osten: Lvl 60 Human Paladin
Jupitar: Lvl 60 Night elf Druid

Both on the Nargannon server so feel free to join up and play along with me whenever I'm on and just roaming around.

I need to buy the next expansion pack so I'm able to level past 60... that's definitely on the list of things to do, as are getting my car back on the road and finding a fucking job I don't hate.

NEW Aqua song!!

Updates

So because I came home drunk and left the light on over the door my parents are pissed with me... not to mention they won't let me borrow their cars to go to the gym that I'm paying out the ass for. It's so fucking stupid. Sure I know it's super nice of them to even let me borrow them in the first place, but to just stop for something like that it just shows their intentions - to control my lifestyle.

Needless to say, working at Staples sucks shit, and I really realized yesterday that I can't trust anyone there - as friends or whatever. Sure I'll talk to them and be civil but no more opening up... or at least be more selective than I have been. I've been considering actually removing some of the people I currently have from my Facebook.

The job interviews went well sure, but I didn't hear anything that day like they told me I would, so I called the next day and she said they were interviewing another person that day and again Monday... this was after they told me it was between me and this other person... so obviously I wasn't good enough, so I've written off that job. It would have been my break from this poverty too, so I'm really not handling it well.

I really don't understand why things can't get better for me.

Ps. I bought Whey Protein so I'm going to be starting to use that before and after I work out to hopefully help me build muscle. I'll do a before and after picture I guess if I feel like it... not entirely feeling it though today, I really wanted to just sleep. And not to mention I have no way to the gym now.

UGHH I hate waiting and I get so nervous and I didn't get a call today... everyone is telling me to relax and just play it by ear, but it bothers me, I'M SORRY. I hate rejection and I hate not feeling qualified for something.. so that's where I am.

I texted some of my references to see if maybe they were too busy to call the references which means they were too busy or whatever today so that could be a reason I didn't get a call - OR I just didn't get the job. But they said it was between myself and someone else, so I would think they'd call the other after two interviews and let me know if I didn't get it or whatever.

It just bothers me, so I think I'm going to just get really drunk tonight so I don't have to think about it at all. Ughhh.

World of Warcraft Update:

Level 52 Night Elf Druid

That is all.

My Holiday Presents of Choice:

OR

Song by Prose #1

I lay alone awake at night sorrow fills my eyes but I’m not strong enough to cry despite of my disguise. I’m left with no shoulder but everybody wants to lean on me. I guess I’m their soldier well, who’s gonna be mine.

Who’s there to save the hero when he’s left all alone and he’s crying out for help. Who’s there to save the hero who’s there to save the guy…After he saves the world... after he saves the world.

I bottle all my hurt inside, I guess I’m living a lie. Inside my mind each day I die and what can bring me back to life? A simple word, a gesture someone to say you’re beautiful come find this buried treasure... rainbows lead to a pot of gold. I’ve given too much of myself and now it’s driving me crazy I’m crying out for help? Sometimes I wish someone would just come here and save me…save me from myself

Ok so it hasn't been awfully bad not having a car... I mean sure I have less social life and don't really have the ability to something as simple as go to the convenience store without asking. But I've been able to keep up with the gym, but I still feel bad asking my parents for their car and such, but I've been making sure to show them that I am so grateful and I haven't had any run-ins yet so that's good.

--- It's bound to happen though... the run-ins, that is. I just got to catch one of my parents on a bad day and boom, they'll lose it on me, it's just how it always goes. I've been working a lot more than usual so hopefully I can get over this hump and pay back my shit ASAP.!

For my holiday gift, I told my parents I want a MVI (Motor Vehicle Inspection) and possibly some emergency brakes... or maybe some Car Tax?... let's see what they decide to do, hopefully one of those so that I can get my car back on the road. Also need to look into why I can't drive past 12am, because of some stupid graduate program for licenses here in Nova Scotia.

Haven't been blogging a lot lately, which I admit has been selfish because I know you want to read about my life so bad :P But I've been playing WoW pretty avidly when I have the time and whenever I can take a few hours and sit on my mothers desktop, because my laptop won't support it. My character is a level 23 Night Elf Druid now, and I just love cat form because its so sleek!

Anyways I must get ready for work now, and try to figure out if my parents are driving me or if I am taking the Passat or not, I'm not sure... it'll be better too once my brothers get their car back on the road too, because they can drive me places as well. Something about the Alternator going in their car and having to pay 350$ to replace it... but that's being fixed today apparently. And ugh, I work 1pm to 9pm, but it's good hours so whatever!

Ok so what I am absolutely obsessed with this video game already and I've only been playing just over a week... but that's OK because when I purchased the software yesterday (With the help of Eric!! <3) the lady said that she knows this one guy and he's 60 and absolutely obsessed with the game... so I'm not 60 so it's OK. Gives me something to do now that my car is being put up while I save up enough money to pay all the shit (Tax, MVI, emergency brake repair.)

Also I am really loving the song by Beyonce: Sweet Dream, and really getting into the new Lady Gaga song.. I know it's a tad embarrassing but I don't even care anymore lol, I'm a total fruit -- live with it!

Beyonce: Sweet Dream <3

Fml.

So today I lose my car - the 30 day permit as well as the MVI (Motor Vehicle Inspection) is up and so I can't drive the car after today... until I get the money to pay the taxes and the registration, etc. Which I won't have for a while just because I've been getting shitty ass hours at Staples. It really sucks. Back again to no freedom, and full dependence on my parents. Gonna hate my life for the next few weeks until I'm able to pay off all this shit.

Plus my insurance is coming out today which they fucked up, and I get charged 184$ instead of the MAXIMUM 105$ I was quoted with... so needless to say - I . Am. Broke. Apparently they'll credit me the difference on next months payment which will come in useful so that the next 2 paychecks can go strictly towards getting my car back on the road.

Woohoo.

So should I go to the gym today? I was told that going to the gym everyday isn't good for you... but I've been noticing some very positive advancements so I like to think otherwise? Not sure then. Supposed to go out for a beer later with a friend but I'm not too sure I have the energy or the money to do it so I'm really not entirely sure about that either.

That and he has to get back to me anyways and let me know if he's up for a drink. So that just adds more hesitance to the whole situation. It's easier when people just say "Hey, we're going for a drink. Get ready." Because then I have the motivation to do it.

Ps. best beer every though. And at first I didn't really like it but then I really got a liking for it... I've always enjoyed some good foam, and this beer has the alcohol content and the foam. Sure it's a little heavy though, but it's a good sipping beer!

Bored

I am unbelievably bored right now... it's really something to behold and I'm not even sure why. Maybe because I WANT to do something it just makes the boredom that much more worst... I dunno. And I definitely don't have the money to do anything anyways so maybe I should just go to bed once my food from dinner digests.

Yeah I'll probably do the bed thing and just wake up earlier tomorrow or something... not sure for what though - I don't work tomorrow at all.

World of Warcraft

So as of lately I started playing this game and let me tell you - it's addicting! And I don't even know why. It's just one of those things like how addicting Facebook is where you can sit there for hours and refresh the feeds page and see what everyone is up to! It's just like that - except you get to roam around random cities and zones and kill things and level and get better equipment.

And when you know people who play it's like a WHOLE new thing because NOW it's a competition to see who can become the best or make the best character combo. Fml, I can't believe I've only been playing a few days and already I'm like this. Been totally ignoring people and secretly not wanting to go outside and do anything because it's just more fun to play this game.

Oh and PS. You can't get H1N1 from playing with people on WoW... so that's a definite upside to the whole situation ha ha ha.

Server: Nargannon
Character: Helheimh (Level 11 Dwarf Paladin)

Add me! ;)

Birds Can Fly So High

Just getting ready to head to the gym before I work tonight... not 100% excited about working tonight's 4-9pm because it's just the worst part of the day: it's either really busy or really slow. New ad today so at least there will be newer stuff to look at and I can waste some time trying to figure out where products have been moved and such.

Hoping tonight for no creepers, not stupid questions, and time to go by SO fast

Tea and Toast

---

So I started my day off with some tea and toast, and now I'm just waiting for the energy to kick in so I can run off to the gym and get the gears moving. Today is Tuesday and one day closer to the end of my freedom, AGAIN, for a while... not too excited. Hopefully I get my GST Check in the mail someday soon so I can put some gas in the car and keep the rest to be put towards my insurance payment - YIKES!

Not sure what I'm going to do today other than hit the gym and play some WoW (Which might I add has been down ALL morning, which was the set aside time I had to play it specifically, when my time on my mother's computer is inhibited!) and relax... and stay out of the general public. I decided I didn't want to go out and hang with anyone last night and just stayed in and went to bed a little earlier than normal. I've started this weird obsession where if I feel my body is getting too cold, or if I don't wash my hands enough, or if I touch certain things or fail to eat certain things I will increase my chances of getting the flu/h1n1 and so I'm noticing I'm becoming very very obsessive about these little nit-picky things... just what I need, more things to obsess over.

Well anyways I am almost finished my tea and I'm beginning to feel the energy rush through my body, which means it's about time I begin to get ready for the gym and get this poor frail body in shape!

Somebody mentioned progress pictures... which I'm half tempted to do, but also kind of embarrassed at the same time. So I will think about it a bit harder and see whether I can reach a decision haha.

Ps. I need to find a different font for this blog because I'm really not digging the one set here right now so I'll work on that before I go to the gym (Notice the stalling... *sigh*).
Pps. Totally changed the coloring and the text style/size so it's a little more aesthetic.

---

>_>

---

So I'm not sure how I'm going to get through the next few weeks... it's definitely going to be a struggle. I forsee it coming and so I'm trying to gather up the energy and the patience needed to get over this last hump for a while (hopefully.) I need to find myself a full time job so I can get a steady flow of money coming in because this part time bullshit is really driving me nuts... never knowing exactly how much I'm going to be getting - some weeks an adequate amount and others a very small amount - and unfortunately this week will be the small amount... resulting is possibly not enough money for my insurance which will bounce the payment (charging me 50$ ontop of the 184$) and giving some more bad credit.

So I discovered, via a friend, a new band that I must say I really enjoy. The Temper Trap (Click me!).

They have a familiar sound, maybe a mix of some bands I enjoy that I can't entirely put a finger on... maybe some Interpol rhythm with some vocals from Sigur Ros (Without the Icelandic sexiness.)

So today I'm going to do my 6/7 day routine and go to the gym, then off to work because I picked up a shift tonight.. so I work 4-9pm which is a shitty shift... but I made a vow after yesterday's staff meeting that I'm going to be more intense about my job... even if it's just a bullshit part time job but still it's all about image and reputation here in this little town so you never know when I might need a reference or someone to pull some strings for me!

I apologize for nothing really substantial to write about lately... it's mostly because I'm just going through a rut again - really though? when am I not going through a rut these past few years. I guess it would be something different to say that I'm NOT going through a rut... that would definitely be a surprise to myself and to many.

Had a talk with my parents this morning they said I don't seem happy and that whenever I come home I go directly to my room and lock myself away - which is true. I must say I'm not fairing well with this living back home again, it's just too stressful because they haven't changed at all in the 4 years I've been away, and I've changed quite a substantial amount... and so they treat me the same. But my mother makes dinner which is nice... and wholesome.

Tonight I'm going to hang out with my friend Jay again, it's been fun hanging the past few days and just having someone to connect with... someone that's there, as Eric's said before. And I agree, it's been nice. He's going to Brazil for a month, then back to work on the cruise ship for a few more months then moving back home here in May... which seems so far away. I'm sick of waiting, and constantly being up in the air about everything, I want something substantial and someone to feel the way I feel for them - I want reciprocation and mutuality.

I also want money and to not be broke so I have something to share with someone.

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The Temper Trap: Soldier On

Who wants to know?
All that is gold, is rusted
No one will know
Seasons cease, to change, and..

How far we've gone
How far were going
So here and the now
And the love for the sound
Are the moments that keep us moving

Waves crash along
Battered lonely lighthouse
Tomorrow shes gone
And if not, some, they somehow
Are, these, hands, always

Well this side of, mortality is
Scaring, me, to death
To death

Don't think about it at all
Just keep your head low
Don't think about it at all

Soldier On
Soldier On
Keep your heart, close to the ground
Soldier On
Soldier On
Keep your heart, close, to the ground

Don't think about it at all
Just keep your head low
Don't think about it at all

Yeah..
Will you take me tonight
Yeah..
Will you take me tonight
Yeah..
Will you take me tonight

Yeah..
Will you take me tonight
Tonight

Soldier On
Soldier On
Keep your heart, close to the ground

Rihanna: Russian Roulette!

Take a breath, take it deep
Calm yourself, he says to me
If you play, you play for keeps
Take a gun, and count to three
I’m sweating now, moving slow
No time to think, my turn to go

[Chorus]
And you can see my heart beating
You can see it through my chest
And I’m terrified but I’m not leaving
Know that I must must pass this test
So just pull the trigger

Say a prayer to yourself
He says close your eyes
Sometimes it helps
And then I get a scary thought
That he’s here means he’s never lost

(Chorus)

As my life flashes before my eyes
I’m wondering will I ever see another sunrise?
So many won’t get the chance to say goodbye
But it’s too late too pick up the value of my life

(Chorus)