So I've been having less and less to write about, mostly because I've been going through this anti-social kind of thing where I feel removing myself from society would help me redesign myself: both my personality and my subconscious. I'm learning more and more than I know myself less and less, and it's bugging me.
Am I really a bad person for believing in fairy tales and trying to force myself to have a positive outlook on things? (When really deep down I am very negative, so there's this inner conflict.) I'm not sure how to approach these things anymore and I know I've said it before, but this time it's different.
I don't know what to do and I'm not sure how to approach getting better of this, and figuring myself out... do I read more? do I relax more? do I sit on the edge of my bed and cry more? Do I go for longer drives with some tunes playing in the background more? I'm just not sure what to do. Maye I just have something wrong with me, not to sound extreme, but possibly I could be clinically depressed or something more? Could I have some sort of personality disorder where I just am so fucked up I can't even view things in the way I should? I apologize for the questions, but these are just a few of the questions I ask myself.
So I'll address you (My subconscious, my motives and my understanding.)
What am I supposed to do? What do you want from me and how can I better understand you. How can I be approached by a situation and be able to determine whether it's the realistic outcome or my erratic subconscious thwarting the design?
Can you stop? Can you stop blowing things out of proportion and trying to second guess me? Can you please stop seeing the worst in people and distrusting everyone... Can you stop making me push people away? I hate that. I hate the distance I set between myself and the one's closest to me... all because of you.
I need to control you, and I need to control you now. I need to learn when I can switch the Off button and how to effectively hit that switch before any further harm is done... otherwise I'll snap and won't be able to handle this anymore... I won't be able to continue on down this path with this continual conflict inside me and this void full of blackness and no emotion.
My heart is so cold, and I think you have something to do with it... it's never the now, it's the past and the potential future that haunts me and scares me, and it effects me in the now. I know it shouldn't, but you see to that. You make sure I hold grudges and that I see everything askew. You're the lenses through which I see my life, you shape my understanding and my perception... and I'm only now realizing that what I see isn't the truth but something tainted and spoiled by your influence.
Someone, or something help me please before this comes to a bitter (or wishful) end.
Am I really a bad person for believing in fairy tales and trying to force myself to have a positive outlook on things? (When really deep down I am very negative, so there's this inner conflict.) I'm not sure how to approach these things anymore and I know I've said it before, but this time it's different.
I don't know what to do and I'm not sure how to approach getting better of this, and figuring myself out... do I read more? do I relax more? do I sit on the edge of my bed and cry more? Do I go for longer drives with some tunes playing in the background more? I'm just not sure what to do. Maye I just have something wrong with me, not to sound extreme, but possibly I could be clinically depressed or something more? Could I have some sort of personality disorder where I just am so fucked up I can't even view things in the way I should? I apologize for the questions, but these are just a few of the questions I ask myself.
So I'll address you (My subconscious, my motives and my understanding.)
What am I supposed to do? What do you want from me and how can I better understand you. How can I be approached by a situation and be able to determine whether it's the realistic outcome or my erratic subconscious thwarting the design?
Can you stop? Can you stop blowing things out of proportion and trying to second guess me? Can you please stop seeing the worst in people and distrusting everyone... Can you stop making me push people away? I hate that. I hate the distance I set between myself and the one's closest to me... all because of you.
I need to control you, and I need to control you now. I need to learn when I can switch the Off button and how to effectively hit that switch before any further harm is done... otherwise I'll snap and won't be able to handle this anymore... I won't be able to continue on down this path with this continual conflict inside me and this void full of blackness and no emotion.
My heart is so cold, and I think you have something to do with it... it's never the now, it's the past and the potential future that haunts me and scares me, and it effects me in the now. I know it shouldn't, but you see to that. You make sure I hold grudges and that I see everything askew. You're the lenses through which I see my life, you shape my understanding and my perception... and I'm only now realizing that what I see isn't the truth but something tainted and spoiled by your influence.
Someone, or something help me please before this comes to a bitter (or wishful) end.
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