The ZNLA Blog*

Another day another drama

2010-11-30T15:00:00.002-05:00

Lost my phone - now I got nothing. Not due for an upgrade til February 2012, so needless to say I am going to be stuck with some bullshit phone for the time being... always happens to me.

Also, I have this lump on my throat like cancer or something.

Hmm

2010-10-19T07:32:00.001-04:00

Not going to lie, the Monday to Friday, 9am-5pm thing is getting kind of boring now. Is that terrible?

Newfoundland Trip

2010-08-17T16:47:00.001-04:00

So Friday morning at 6:02am I am embarking on a trip to Springdale, Newfoundland for a few days. I am so excited because I get to see people I haven't seen in forever and I get to go on a big adventure.

I've never been to Springdale, and I have absolutely NO idea how to get there and refuse to look up directions until I get there so that it's more adventurous!

Not to mention I'm going to have an awesome team member by my side to give me company and make sure I'm travelling in the right direction!

2010-08-17T16:44:00.001-04:00

So I've become obsessed with Twitter, just saying.

A new day

2010-06-22T06:13:00.003-04:00

So today is a new day - I went to bed early last night, and I got up earlier this morning hoping that today will bring a nice new day for it.

I am currently downloading the new OS4 for the iPhone, but it's taking forever because the backup part of the installation is driving me nuts... it's the slowest moving thing ever so I'm going to have to leave my iPhone at home while I go to work and just check on it at lunch time... which sucks.

I TXT my bf all day everyday so this is totally gonna suck! I can't help I enjoy talking to him : ) and most times he makes me smile and makes my day go by faster so it's just nice to hear from him!

Regards,

Zak

FML

2010-06-21T07:29:00.003-04:00

Today is totally going to suck I can feel it in my bones already - no coffee, and I feel drowsy and like shit... not a good combination.

this is the last of this - spending every last penny I have left... with the credit card either on the way or not, I am making some leeway and never spending all my money again. I am going to budget.

And that's final.

Yikes!

2010-06-17T07:12:00.000-04:00

And here I am... 8:12am and still haven`t showered. I didn`t sleep in I just procrastinated, and here I am writing a quick blog about it - how suitable.

WOW

2010-06-16T16:05:00.002-04:00

Today was friggin stressful.

From my Roger`s account being suspended because of me not returning a swapped out mobile device in time, to work just being crazy. From clients who are nuts and expect so much for so little, to a bird pooping on my car while I was driving - I am glad to be home.

Started off the day rough - no coffee, muffin... so I was just thrown off from the get go. It was then that I found out my cellphone was suspended for whatever ridiculous reason... at the time I didn`t understand why because I am not behind on payments so it was all a blur and frustration.

Needless to say, I made it through and I am home... safe... and in one piece. But now I need a smoke or a coffee, and unfortunately I don`t smoke so I need another coffee!

Regards,

Zak

BBQ Incoming!

2010-06-15T17:41:00.003-04:00

So I am going to go and turn that BBQ on and prepare myself a BBQ'd meal of... Burgers?

Frankly I'm very worried because the last time I attempted to use that damned thing I almost burnt the house down but forgetting to turn it off, but I promise to remember to turn it off.

So as some of you may or may not know, I am no longer single, and I know it's been a while since I've updated this so it's no fault but my own - but in most cases you are all on my facebook and would have received the notification / seen the pix.

Other than that not a lot is new, other than wanting to move to Halifax and BAD. For many reasons, not just my sexy 'other.'

Okay, so off to BBQ and risk the lives of my brothers, the animals around my home, the dog, and the spirits that inhabit this lands!

Regards,

Me.

Update 4.1

2010-06-15T17:13:00.004-04:00

Amazing album, I must say!

Just illegally downloaded the entire album, and I've already listened to it 3x through... her voice is just phenomenal, and the songs themselves really have some substance.

A definite suggestion for any SM fans!

Whoops!

2010-03-23T07:14:00.000-04:00

I keep having such weird dreams.

2010-02-06T20:20:00.002-05:00

Twitter has virtually eradicated the blogging world for me... now I don't even like reading them because I find they're too long.

The only situation in life where 'the longer ISN'T better.'

2010-02-04T19:11:00.002-05:00

So cold in my room, it's ridiculous and I have the heat on like 30C but because I'm in the basement and I have a door in my room that goes outside it's all cold.

Blah.

SO my mother just bought the iPhone 3G S and I am beyond jealous... hatefully jealous I guess you could say. But I still love her, just not her decisions ; )

Not a lot new in my life right now, just waiting for things to start getting better i.e. stable job and some stable income, which starts next next week on the 15th... so that will be nice to get a paycheck that's not only 300$ and not have to owe it ALL and THEN some to bills and car parts.

Makes me want to go to sleep tonight and all tomorrow so next week comes faster or something... I don't know, but it's half tempting.

Buttons for Twitter

2010-02-03T11:38:00.002-05:00

Not sure which one I like the most... so I'm going to post them here and see what happens, like how they look in posts and such! : )

TWITTER

2010-02-03T11:25:00.002-05:00

Thank you all, now you are featured with my own personal Twitter links to which I IMPLORE you to go and check out and follow me : )

Because if not I will f***cken FLIP! ; )

Updates

2010-01-29T20:29:00.002-05:00

So I posted some progress pictures, and I feel good.

I feel like my hard work is finally paying off and that in itself is enough to keep me going because now I want to see what exactly the difference will be in another 3 months, when I know how to effectively work out and isolate muscle areas to maximise muscle growth. As well my diet has become better, and I've been using the correct supplements... so this will be fun.

Also got a full time job that pays A LOT better than my current uber part time job, which will give me 35 hours a week at a MUCH higher pay scale, so now I can afford all the sexy things I want to buy... like a new TV, PS3, a new Laptop and mod shit for my car before the summer comes so I can show it all off ;)

The drive

2010-01-17T23:30:00.002-05:00

So tonight on the drive home it was so eerie, because I was driving along a straight road and behind me, far back I see a single very bright light and I thought maybe it was a car with highbeams way off in the distance.

So I kept driving.

I'd go over a bump, and come up outta the bump and there it was but this time it wasn't so far away I could tell it was just there, so I thought maybe it's a car with a headlight out and they have just maybe the highbeam on... But I went down another bump and came out and it was gone... with no turn offs and nowhere for it to go but the light was gone. After a transport truck passed me and I guess would have passed it, it was gone.

I got kinda giddy and excited. What are the possibilities?

2010-01-17T11:12:00.002-05:00

Definitely the hardest part of going to the gym is getting up the energy and will power to get TO the gym. Like right now I am totally struggling... because before I go I need to eat (and I'm not sure what to make for lunch) and then I need to engulf my protein and take my creatine 30mins prior to the work out and then I need to shower so I'm all fresh and awake.

I haven't done any of that yet.

So here goes getting ready for the gym, and I'll start with trying to figure out what to make for my lunch, after I make my bed of course... aww but that's a sin I have to wake my dog he's conked out on the bed asleep... maybe making my bed will be second on the list to give him some quality sleeping time.

My views

2010-01-16T18:43:00.004-05:00

I'm sure exactly how I feel about excessive partying and stuff at my age... like I have an idea but I'm still a little effy as to how serious I feel about the idea. I know I'm young and people my age do like to party, but I choose not to anymore.

I used to drink a lot and anyone that's known me could attest to that but just in the last 1-2 years I've completely moved away from the clubbing/partying scene and the type of people it draws in: dodgy and unstable people. I mean it's reflective of the environment, which draws in those types of people. And it's a huge huge turn off for me. I just don't want anything to do with it or that lifestyle anymore and, like I've said, I've completely removed myself from that sphere.

It's just something about it seems so fake, so juvenile and so... ugh. That's probably the best way I could word it - ugh.

NYE was the last night I got to the point of drunkness and even then I was still very conscious of what was happening that night and the environment around me, but it's every time I go out I realise and just get angry at the people that are around me. People are just so different under the influence, and don't get me wrong so am I! We all are, and it's just annoying. I just prefer to relax and drink and sure if I want to get drunk kind of stay in my own little area, with a few friends and just relax and chill and not be part of the bullshit and the drama... which is really what it is and what I've experienced in my years of hardcore partying and "living it up."

Well I'm grown up, and I've matured, and I want absolutely nothing to do with it... it just seems so immature.

2010-01-15T23:10:00.001-05:00

I'm so, so troubled.

200th Post

2010-01-14T11:03:00.004-05:00

Yay this is my 200th post under this blog title... that's fun and exciting and kind of lame too when you really think about it.

Ok so today is yet another day off for me but a few jobs have come up on the job bank so I'm going to run my ass down to their stores and hand in resumes/fill out applications because I need money bad and I want to work more than 3x a week. Because frankly, this is very boring.

Once I do that I'm going to go about my daily routine, hit up the gym, then after that head home and play Assassin's Creed 2 for Xbox 360 for the rest of the night on the 12ft x 8ft screen with the projector... it's absolutely amazing. Especially with the surround sound. I can just about hump Ettio's face at this size!

Today

2010-01-13T12:30:00.003-05:00

Ok so I need to get my day started because I am definitely still in my pjs and without a shirt trying to decide whether to go now and get the video game, play it for a bit THEN go to the gym or get the video game then on the way home go to the gym so when I come home I can have some uninterrupted time with my video game.

My shoulder is still a little weird but I keep stretching it and I think it's slowly getting better... now it doesn't make that awkward pop noise or anything it's just like a weird movement noise... but I guess that's normal.

Talked to some random Columbian today who retweeted one of my tweet on Twitter, which was completely random and then he wants me to add him on msn so we can practice his english and my spanish together... I mean that just makes sense and that way we get a practical knowledge of the language... no better way to learn a language then in the midst of it I guess.

Ok enough babbling, time to go creep some blogs and see what's on the go in peoples minds as of late.

Hello? Hello? HELLO?

2010-01-12T23:28:00.003-05:00

Yeah so I admit I've been MIA lately. But that's almost the story every time I've been blogging lately. I've just had nothing exciting or exceptionally annoying to blog about really.

I know one thing though, and that's I am absolutely obsessed with Twitter and TweekDeck because it is constantly on the go... do you know what an API Limit is? I didn't... but NOW I do because I surpassed it and got told to RELAX.

I want a new computer and I did my AMD training so I'm pretty sure I'll be sticking with an AMD this time around... fucking INTEL. I want thew new Phenom II X4 mmmm with a 1GB GDDR3 graphics card so I can play my sexy computer games and then hit up AMD Infinity to hook up 3 monitors and have surround view...

World of Warcraft BEWARE because I am coming back... once I buy my 60 day game card this week... I know it's on the fucking list ok? So relax you fucking nerds.

Bullshit.

2009-12-30T23:10:00.002-05:00

Why are people so fucking dodgy?
I make plans and we make plans and then things change and everything goes to shit and here I am waiting for "people to get back to me with what's going on." Well I'm sorry that's not something I'm going to bank on. For the following reasons:
1) I need to know whether or not to waste my minimal money on alcohol
2) Figure out whether I am driving anywhere and need to buy gas
3) Figure out what I need to wear and what's the occassion of the even to see whether I can find something to even wear
4) So I don't fucking sit around LIKE A LOSER.

So to all my so called fucking friends, thanks for getting back to me, thanks for hanging out with me all week when I told you to let me know and you said you would... when you've been "bored" and "looking for something to do" because I've seen the goddam facebook status updates... even commented on a few to get the point across.

So I won't forget this - And anyone who knows me well, KNOWS I won't forget this. You're good as gone, fuck off. I need to find new friends.

2009-12-23T13:49:00.002-05:00

My latest obsession has been drinking water... I can't stop drinking it and it's like I am addicted to the taste of nothing. That's what I figure anyways.

Hey

2009-12-21T00:09:00.002-05:00

So I just decided I need to write instead of just letting these emotions and feelings bottle up inside my head because it'll just make it worst and by letting it out I'll eventually help myself I guess.

So I'm very scared of aliens: I believe in them and myself have had an encounter not one-on-one but with my cousins witnessing a UFO in the sky. The lights, the irregular flight patterns that do not follow any particular form or law of physics. We knew what we saw. Now I've seen stuff since in the sky and maybe have just dismissed it as satellites and such but this night was different due to the setting and the location.

On a bog in a small town a few hours outside of St. John's, Newfoundland it was night and it was getting late I would say and my cousins and I were out on the Bog skating, because it was winter at the time so it's just something we were able to do. The three of us saw the same thing and kind of were skeptical of what we saw... and we weren't exactly exposed to anything of this nature, I mean we were around 8 years old and too concentrated on seeing moose or the cold weather.

But since that night it sparked an interest in us, and I'm not sure if they continue to pursue this interest but it gets me thinking all the time. About us, about life and about the world and the cosmos.

The age old question: Are we really alone?

I've watched almost all the movies, from War Of The Worlds to Fire In The Sky to Encounters of the Third Kind, etc and some are absolutely extreme and others are downright eerily fact based. I've had discussions with people from friends who's had close encounters of their own and friends who've been wanting them and hunting them their entire lives.

So I just can't believe we're alone in this universe or collections of universes, because it would all just be way too random that circumstances would arise that ONLY this planet would gain all the right formulas and gatherings to support life... in ALL the planets out there, coupled with stars and moons of their own surrounding their own suns with organic compounds, etc. But who said they need to be organic? Well that's only life on Earth that supports that... so we're limiting ourselves.

I think we're going to see something in OUR life times that will change the way we view these things. Something that will rock us right outta the water.

Like this movie just said... we used to think the world was flat and that we weren't able to travel it entirely to visit other places... and now we think we are alone. It's the same kind of thinking.

2009-12-19T13:57:00.001-05:00

Ugh why do I have random spamming messages of websites advertising on my blog? And now I see why people make a security image mandatory to place a comment.

Where ya been?

2009-12-11T11:38:00.002-05:00

Well to tell the truth... nowhere.
Still here just haven't been writing about anything as late. Just been working and continuing the gym and all that jazz. Not to mention playing World Of Warcraft just as much if not more than before, but that's ok because I offset it with the gym! I purchased Creatine two days ago and started that and I'm not gonna lie I've already started seeing HUGE results, so I'm excited to see what this is going to do!

Now I'm just listening to my iPod on shuffle and about to run back upstairs and play some more WoW before making a quick lunch.

My car is in the garage and I wasn't sure how I was going to pay for it and all, but my parents are going to waive the repair fees for part of my xmas gift because I would have to wait until February to be able to finally afford it... so I hope to get it on the road soon. The mechanic said it should be done today or tomorrow, getting all the shit done to it. And I know for sure I'll have the car back on the road by NEXT Friday the latest - when I can pay the taxes owned on it to register the car.

But hey! Next Friday sounds a lot better than February.

We haven't been getting lots of snow which is good, we had two days where we had some and it stayed but then it went up to like 7c and then most of it melted, so it's been all over the place lately... but I don't have winter tires on my car so hopefully it doesn't get bad ha ha ha.

Anyways I'l keep you posted with what's happening with the car and such, and roam around the blogs and throw down some comments on some friends' blogs and such.

Be well and take care!

2009-12-05T09:28:00.001-05:00

I look before I leap
I love margins and discipline
I make lists in my sleep baby
What's my sin?
I never quit
I follow through

Updates

2009-11-30T01:19:00.002-05:00

So I've been slacking with my blog posts... mostly because I've just been so blah lately I haven't really found it in me to post much of anything. I've been continuing along my gym path... progress is great, energy is up (more than before at least) and my confidence is gaining.

Also been playing WoW a lot and now I have two level 60 characters.

Osten: Lvl 60 Human Paladin
Jupitar: Lvl 60 Night elf Druid

Both on the Nargannon server so feel free to join up and play along with me whenever I'm on and just roaming around.

I need to buy the next expansion pack so I'm able to level past 60... that's definitely on the list of things to do, as are getting my car back on the road and finding a fucking job I don't hate.

NEW Aqua song!!

2009-11-23T16:03:00.003-05:00

Updates

2009-11-21T11:32:00.003-05:00

So because I came home drunk and left the light on over the door my parents are pissed with me... not to mention they won't let me borrow their cars to go to the gym that I'm paying out the ass for. It's so fucking stupid. Sure I know it's super nice of them to even let me borrow them in the first place, but to just stop for something like that it just shows their intentions - to control my lifestyle.

Needless to say, working at Staples sucks shit, and I really realized yesterday that I can't trust anyone there - as friends or whatever. Sure I'll talk to them and be civil but no more opening up... or at least be more selective than I have been. I've been considering actually removing some of the people I currently have from my Facebook.

The job interviews went well sure, but I didn't hear anything that day like they told me I would, so I called the next day and she said they were interviewing another person that day and again Monday... this was after they told me it was between me and this other person... so obviously I wasn't good enough, so I've written off that job. It would have been my break from this poverty too, so I'm really not handling it well.

I really don't understand why things can't get better for me.

Ps. I bought Whey Protein so I'm going to be starting to use that before and after I work out to hopefully help me build muscle. I'll do a before and after picture I guess if I feel like it... not entirely feeling it though today, I really wanted to just sleep. And not to mention I have no way to the gym now.

2009-11-18T17:23:00.003-05:00

UGHH I hate waiting and I get so nervous and I didn't get a call today... everyone is telling me to relax and just play it by ear, but it bothers me, I'M SORRY. I hate rejection and I hate not feeling qualified for something.. so that's where I am.

I texted some of my references to see if maybe they were too busy to call the references which means they were too busy or whatever today so that could be a reason I didn't get a call - OR I just didn't get the job. But they said it was between myself and someone else, so I would think they'd call the other after two interviews and let me know if I didn't get it or whatever.

It just bothers me, so I think I'm going to just get really drunk tonight so I don't have to think about it at all. Ughhh.

World of Warcraft Update:

2009-11-17T19:33:00.000-05:00

Level 52 Night Elf Druid

That is all.

My Holiday Presents of Choice:

2009-11-16T14:09:00.003-05:00

Song by Prose #1

2009-11-14T19:14:00.003-05:00

I lay alone awake at night sorrow fills my eyes but I’m not strong enough to cry despite of my disguise. I’m left with no shoulder but everybody wants to lean on me. I guess I’m their soldier well, who’s gonna be mine.

Who’s there to save the hero when he’s left all alone and he’s crying out for help. Who’s there to save the hero who’s there to save the guy…After he saves the world... after he saves the world.

I bottle all my hurt inside, I guess I’m living a lie. Inside my mind each day I die and what can bring me back to life? A simple word, a gesture someone to say you’re beautiful come find this buried treasure... rainbows lead to a pot of gold. I’ve given too much of myself and now it’s driving me crazy I’m crying out for help? Sometimes I wish someone would just come here and save me…save me from myself

2009-11-13T10:46:00.003-05:00

Ok so it hasn't been awfully bad not having a car... I mean sure I have less social life and don't really have the ability to something as simple as go to the convenience store without asking. But I've been able to keep up with the gym, but I still feel bad asking my parents for their car and such, but I've been making sure to show them that I am so grateful and I haven't had any run-ins yet so that's good.

--- It's bound to happen though... the run-ins, that is. I just got to catch one of my parents on a bad day and boom, they'll lose it on me, it's just how it always goes. I've been working a lot more than usual so hopefully I can get over this hump and pay back my shit ASAP.!

For my holiday gift, I told my parents I want a MVI (Motor Vehicle Inspection) and possibly some emergency brakes... or maybe some Car Tax?... let's see what they decide to do, hopefully one of those so that I can get my car back on the road. Also need to look into why I can't drive past 12am, because of some stupid graduate program for licenses here in Nova Scotia.

Haven't been blogging a lot lately, which I admit has been selfish because I know you want to read about my life so bad :P But I've been playing WoW pretty avidly when I have the time and whenever I can take a few hours and sit on my mothers desktop, because my laptop won't support it. My character is a level 23 Night Elf Druid now, and I just love cat form because its so sleek!

Anyways I must get ready for work now, and try to figure out if my parents are driving me or if I am taking the Passat or not, I'm not sure... it'll be better too once my brothers get their car back on the road too, because they can drive me places as well. Something about the Alternator going in their car and having to pay 350$ to replace it... but that's being fixed today apparently. And ugh, I work 1pm to 9pm, but it's good hours so whatever!

2009-11-10T11:37:00.006-05:00

Ok so what I am absolutely obsessed with this video game already and I've only been playing just over a week... but that's OK because when I purchased the software yesterday (With the help of Eric!! <3) the lady said that she knows this one guy and he's 60 and absolutely obsessed with the game... so I'm not 60 so it's OK. Gives me something to do now that my car is being put up while I save up enough money to pay all the shit (Tax, MVI, emergency brake repair.)

Also I am really loving the song by Beyonce: Sweet Dream, and really getting into the new Lady Gaga song.. I know it's a tad embarrassing but I don't even care anymore lol, I'm a total fruit -- live with it!

Beyonce: Sweet Dream <3

2009-11-09T06:19:00.001-05:00

Fml.

2009-11-09T06:00:00.002-05:00

So today I lose my car - the 30 day permit as well as the MVI (Motor Vehicle Inspection) is up and so I can't drive the car after today... until I get the money to pay the taxes and the registration, etc. Which I won't have for a while just because I've been getting shitty ass hours at Staples. It really sucks. Back again to no freedom, and full dependence on my parents. Gonna hate my life for the next few weeks until I'm able to pay off all this shit.

Plus my insurance is coming out today which they fucked up, and I get charged 184$ instead of the MAXIMUM 105$ I was quoted with... so needless to say - I . Am. Broke. Apparently they'll credit me the difference on next months payment which will come in useful so that the next 2 paychecks can go strictly towards getting my car back on the road.

2009-11-08T23:10:00.001-05:00

Woohoo.

2009-11-08T10:45:00.005-05:00

So should I go to the gym today? I was told that going to the gym everyday isn't good for you... but I've been noticing some very positive advancements so I like to think otherwise? Not sure then. Supposed to go out for a beer later with a friend but I'm not too sure I have the energy or the money to do it so I'm really not entirely sure about that either.

That and he has to get back to me anyways and let me know if he's up for a drink. So that just adds more hesitance to the whole situation. It's easier when people just say "Hey, we're going for a drink. Get ready." Because then I have the motivation to do it.

Ps. best beer every though. And at first I didn't really like it but then I really got a liking for it... I've always enjoyed some good foam, and this beer has the alcohol content and the foam. Sure it's a little heavy though, but it's a good sipping beer!

Bored

2009-11-07T18:19:00.002-05:00

I am unbelievably bored right now... it's really something to behold and I'm not even sure why. Maybe because I WANT to do something it just makes the boredom that much more worst... I dunno. And I definitely don't have the money to do anything anyways so maybe I should just go to bed once my food from dinner digests.

Yeah I'll probably do the bed thing and just wake up earlier tomorrow or something... not sure for what though - I don't work tomorrow at all.

World of Warcraft

2009-11-05T20:01:00.002-05:00

So as of lately I started playing this game and let me tell you - it's addicting! And I don't even know why. It's just one of those things like how addicting Facebook is where you can sit there for hours and refresh the feeds page and see what everyone is up to! It's just like that - except you get to roam around random cities and zones and kill things and level and get better equipment.

And when you know people who play it's like a WHOLE new thing because NOW it's a competition to see who can become the best or make the best character combo. Fml, I can't believe I've only been playing a few days and already I'm like this. Been totally ignoring people and secretly not wanting to go outside and do anything because it's just more fun to play this game.

Oh and PS. You can't get H1N1 from playing with people on WoW... so that's a definite upside to the whole situation ha ha ha.

Server: Nargannon
Character: Helheimh (Level 11 Dwarf Paladin)

Add me! ;)

Birds Can Fly So High

2009-11-04T13:04:00.001-05:00

Just getting ready to head to the gym before I work tonight... not 100% excited about working tonight's 4-9pm because it's just the worst part of the day: it's either really busy or really slow. New ad today so at least there will be newer stuff to look at and I can waste some time trying to figure out where products have been moved and such.

Hoping tonight for no creepers, not stupid questions, and time to go by SO fast

Tea and Toast

2009-11-03T10:49:00.005-05:00

So I started my day off with some tea and toast, and now I'm just waiting for the energy to kick in so I can run off to the gym and get the gears moving. Today is Tuesday and one day closer to the end of my freedom, AGAIN, for a while... not too excited. Hopefully I get my GST Check in the mail someday soon so I can put some gas in the car and keep the rest to be put towards my insurance payment - YIKES!

Not sure what I'm going to do today other than hit the gym and play some WoW (Which might I add has been down ALL morning, which was the set aside time I had to play it specifically, when my time on my mother's computer is inhibited!) and relax... and stay out of the general public. I decided I didn't want to go out and hang with anyone last night and just stayed in and went to bed a little earlier than normal. I've started this weird obsession where if I feel my body is getting too cold, or if I don't wash my hands enough, or if I touch certain things or fail to eat certain things I will increase my chances of getting the flu/h1n1 and so I'm noticing I'm becoming very very obsessive about these little nit-picky things... just what I need, more things to obsess over.

Well anyways I am almost finished my tea and I'm beginning to feel the energy rush through my body, which means it's about time I begin to get ready for the gym and get this poor frail body in shape!

Somebody mentioned progress pictures... which I'm half tempted to do, but also kind of embarrassed at the same time. So I will think about it a bit harder and see whether I can reach a decision haha.

Ps. I need to find a different font for this blog because I'm really not digging the one set here right now so I'll work on that before I go to the gym (Notice the stalling... *sigh*).
Pps. Totally changed the coloring and the text style/size so it's a little more aesthetic.

>_>

2009-11-02T09:34:00.007-05:00

So I'm not sure how I'm going to get through the next few weeks... it's definitely going to be a struggle. I forsee it coming and so I'm trying to gather up the energy and the patience needed to get over this last hump for a while (hopefully.) I need to find myself a full time job so I can get a steady flow of money coming in because this part time bullshit is really driving me nuts... never knowing exactly how much I'm going to be getting - some weeks an adequate amount and others a very small amount - and unfortunately this week will be the small amount... resulting is possibly not enough money for my insurance which will bounce the payment (charging me 50$ ontop of the 184$) and giving some more bad credit.

So I discovered, via a friend, a new band that I must say I really enjoy. The Temper Trap (Click me!).

They have a familiar sound, maybe a mix of some bands I enjoy that I can't entirely put a finger on... maybe some Interpol rhythm with some vocals from Sigur Ros (Without the Icelandic sexiness.)

So today I'm going to do my 6/7 day routine and go to the gym, then off to work because I picked up a shift tonight.. so I work 4-9pm which is a shitty shift... but I made a vow after yesterday's staff meeting that I'm going to be more intense about my job... even if it's just a bullshit part time job but still it's all about image and reputation here in this little town so you never know when I might need a reference or someone to pull some strings for me!

I apologize for nothing really substantial to write about lately... it's mostly because I'm just going through a rut again - really though? when am I not going through a rut these past few years. I guess it would be something different to say that I'm NOT going through a rut... that would definitely be a surprise to myself and to many.

Had a talk with my parents this morning they said I don't seem happy and that whenever I come home I go directly to my room and lock myself away - which is true. I must say I'm not fairing well with this living back home again, it's just too stressful because they haven't changed at all in the 4 years I've been away, and I've changed quite a substantial amount... and so they treat me the same. But my mother makes dinner which is nice... and wholesome.

Tonight I'm going to hang out with my friend Jay again, it's been fun hanging the past few days and just having someone to connect with... someone that's there, as Eric's said before. And I agree, it's been nice. He's going to Brazil for a month, then back to work on the cruise ship for a few more months then moving back home here in May... which seems so far away. I'm sick of waiting, and constantly being up in the air about everything, I want something substantial and someone to feel the way I feel for them - I want reciprocation and mutuality.

I also want money and to not be broke so I have something to share with someone.

The Temper Trap: Soldier On

2009-11-02T09:30:00.003-05:00

Who wants to know?
All that is gold, is rusted
No one will know
Seasons cease, to change, and..

How far we've gone
How far were going
So here and the now
And the love for the sound
Are the moments that keep us moving

Waves crash along
Battered lonely lighthouse
Tomorrow shes gone
And if not, some, they somehow
Are, these, hands, always

Well this side of, mortality is
Scaring, me, to death
To death

Don't think about it at all
Just keep your head low
Don't think about it at all

Soldier On
Soldier On
Keep your heart, close to the ground
Soldier On
Soldier On
Keep your heart, close, to the ground

Don't think about it at all
Just keep your head low
Don't think about it at all

Yeah..
Will you take me tonight
Yeah..
Will you take me tonight
Yeah..
Will you take me tonight

Yeah..
Will you take me tonight
Tonight

Soldier On
Soldier On
Keep your heart, close to the ground

2009-11-01T09:36:00.002-05:00

Rihanna: Russian Roulette!

2009-11-01T09:27:00.003-05:00

Take a breath, take it deep
Calm yourself, he says to me
If you play, you play for keeps
Take a gun, and count to three
I’m sweating now, moving slow
No time to think, my turn to go

[Chorus]
And you can see my heart beating
You can see it through my chest
And I’m terrified but I’m not leaving
Know that I must must pass this test
So just pull the trigger

Say a prayer to yourself
He says close your eyes
Sometimes it helps
And then I get a scary thought
That he’s here means he’s never lost

(Chorus)

As my life flashes before my eyes
I’m wondering will I ever see another sunrise?
So many won’t get the chance to say goodbye
But it’s too late too pick up the value of my life

(Chorus)

Updates 2.0

2009-10-31T22:30:00.002-04:00

Been working minimal hours lately at the one job and it's becoming really frustrating... I'm not even sure if I'll get enough to pay for my insurance payment next week. Not to mention the fact that I don't have the money for the taxes that are due, the MVI inspection, the emergency brake cable to be fixed and for gas... so needless to say my car is going to be sitting on the parking lot for at least 2 weeks... BACK to square one.

Well at least I have a car, and something to show for my money, just totally sucks that's all.

Karma!

2009-10-29T23:49:00.000-04:00

What comes around goes around.
History repeats itself.

FUCK YA.

Girl Takes H1N1 Shot...

2009-10-29T12:02:00.004-04:00

This is just one of many reasons I don't want to get this shot... we don't even know the effects of this shot shortterm, or long term, and I don't trust it.

Calvin Harris: Blue

2009-10-28T10:06:00.001-04:00

Gym-goer Lifestyle

2009-10-26T11:21:00.002-04:00

Oh man, it's definitely becoming a thing for me now... I can't even look at something high in calories and comparing that to a certain amount of time I have to be on that damn elliptical! I mean that's good, but it could also become very bad... or maybe I'm just starting to think healthy again. I dunno, but I'm liking the changes beginning to happen to my body already - and it's been only a week!

Yesterday I took a day of rest and didn't go to the gym, but relaxed after a night out on the town, no more soreness from Saturday's gym trip, so I'm ready to go today and push myself a little harder again.

My new love has become Walnuts and Cashews... obviously only a measured amount because of the loaded down trans fats and such in them, but they're just so tasty and definitely a lot better than potato chips... and they also contain protein which is good!

Drinking a min. of 3.4L of water a day is still a little hard so I always try to have a full glass of water next to me whereever I go so I am constantly drinking that.

I read a few days ago that 80% of the time we're hungry, we're actually just thirsty! So I've been trying it out, and eating little bits here and there, mixing up the food groups and I've noticed I don't whop down huge amounts of food like I used to... sure I'd love to just have 2 servings of my mothers amazing Shepherds Pie, but I just have to think... 45mins on the elliptical!

Ps. My family is gone to get their H1N1 Shots right now I believe... they called me this morning and asked if I was going to go, I said no... so I suffered their wrath again. -Sigh-

H1N1: Swine Flu

2009-10-22T17:09:00.004-04:00

So I was approached by my family and asked whether or not I was going to get vaccinated when the clinics open up within the next week... I said no. My mother said that I had to because she didn't want to get swine... and I replied, "But you're taking the shot, aren't you?"

Something doesn't sit well with me about this whole situation and how everyone is seeming to blow it out of proportion, so I went to the media and to the WHO and I begun my research.

Apparently since the outbreak of the H1N1 it's been released that 4800 people have died, which doesn't seem to be a lot. Sure it's still a lot of family members and a lot of brothers and sisters and sons and daughters, but statistically it's not a lot of people.

So I reflected on the normal flu, and exactly how many people yearly this more "common" flu has been killing, with little to no hysteria caused throughout the world.

Taken directly from the WHO's website, I quote:

Influenza epidemics occur yearly during autumn and winter in temperate regions. Illnesses result in hospitalizations and deaths mainly among high-risk groups (the very young, elderly or chronically ill). Worldwide, these annual epidemics result in about three to five million cases of severe illness, and about 250 000 to 500 000 deaths. Most deaths associated with influenza in industrialized countries occur among people age 65 or older. In some tropical countries, influenza viruses circulate throughout the year with one or two peaks during rainy seasons.

Yet that was never a reason to invest $400 million into Pharmaceutical companies for imunizations for the nation... but on the flip side I do respect that the government is going an extra step to potentially help it's citizens, I do. But this just doesn't sound right.

So I looked to the history books, and through this I found that previously we've been hit with a Swine flu, with little to no implications of a worldwide pandemic, or mass hysteria.

1918, 1976, 1988, 1998, and in 2007 an outbreak in the Philippines amongst only pigs, and now, 2009 among humans. Some would look at this as being a potential evolution of the virus and maybe, just maybe, this time the virus has figured out a way to wipe out the entire earth and take over the world!

And lest we forget the terrible AVIAN influenza that rocked the worlds and destroyed the human population last year... or sorry was that SARS... or maybe that was the common cold! The WHO has a graph that shows the breakdown of deaths of the so called pandemic of avian influenza last year, and as you can see... it doesn't seem like much of a pandemic to me.

[Avian Influenza Cumulative Number of Confirmed Human Cases.]

I think we need to calm down, eat healthy, get in shape, maintain a healthy lifestyle and continue our lives without pumping chemicals and other diseases into our systems that we barely even know the consequences of yet... already there have been a few cases of complications with the H1N1 shot, and it the hasn't even been globally administered yet... imagine on the large scale how many deaths could come from the side effects... my gods! that's another case for another WORLD WIDE PANDEMIC!

I'm never leaving my house again.

Soreness

2009-10-22T10:56:00.002-04:00

Anyone have any idea how to temporarily get rid of this muscle soreness? Obviously it's from many years of not going to the gym so my body is just going AWOL but I definitely am still going to the gym in an hour regardless... I'll just take my time doing more stretches and slowly warm up.

I was told the sauna helps after working out, is this true?

Addiction

2009-10-21T23:18:00.002-04:00

So I've begun my addiction to going to the gym again, which is good because I'm really starting to enjoy removing myself from my daily schedule and just going there and getting out some frustration.

Getting in shape is definitely a good side of it too, as I feel I've slipped big time physically when my body and it's been bringing me down for quite some time now. My first day with the trainer today was amazing and you really do get your money's worth with a trainer in the sense that they push you and KNOW what you need to do.

Knowledge of the machines and what they can do for you is definitely an asset and something I'm trying to take in so that in the future I'll be good to go!

12:11am, October 21, 2001.

2009-10-21T00:10:00.002-04:00

Mark this date and time... I'm not sure how much longer I can take, and I'm not kidding.
I got "let go" from Andre's today for absolutely no reason because I did excellent at that job and customers loved me and when I asked the owner why, she said she didn't have to give me a reason because of the 3 month probationary period in which she can just let go of me for no reason.

I honestly don't know anymore... as mentioned in my last post, and transferred over into today, I just keep getting shit on more and more, no matter what I do and no matter what I invest in anything and it's just not fucking fair at all.

Updates.

2009-10-20T11:47:00.009-04:00

So I've been having less and less to write about, mostly because I've been going through this anti-social kind of thing where I feel removing myself from society would help me redesign myself: both my personality and my subconscious. I'm learning more and more than I know myself less and less, and it's bugging me.

Am I really a bad person for believing in fairy tales and trying to force myself to have a positive outlook on things? (When really deep down I am very negative, so there's this inner conflict.) I'm not sure how to approach these things anymore and I know I've said it before, but this time it's different.

I don't know what to do and I'm not sure how to approach getting better of this, and figuring myself out... do I read more? do I relax more? do I sit on the edge of my bed and cry more? Do I go for longer drives with some tunes playing in the background more? I'm just not sure what to do. Maye I just have something wrong with me, not to sound extreme, but possibly I could be clinically depressed or something more? Could I have some sort of personality disorder where I just am so fucked up I can't even view things in the way I should? I apologize for the questions, but these are just a few of the questions I ask myself.

So I'll address you (My subconscious, my motives and my understanding.)

What am I supposed to do? What do you want from me and how can I better understand you. How can I be approached by a situation and be able to determine whether it's the realistic outcome or my erratic subconscious thwarting the design?

Can you stop? Can you stop blowing things out of proportion and trying to second guess me? Can you please stop seeing the worst in people and distrusting everyone... Can you stop making me push people away? I hate that. I hate the distance I set between myself and the one's closest to me... all because of you.

I need to control you, and I need to control you now. I need to learn when I can switch the Off button and how to effectively hit that switch before any further harm is done... otherwise I'll snap and won't be able to handle this anymore... I won't be able to continue on down this path with this continual conflict inside me and this void full of blackness and no emotion.

My heart is so cold, and I think you have something to do with it... it's never the now, it's the past and the potential future that haunts me and scares me, and it effects me in the now. I know it shouldn't, but you see to that. You make sure I hold grudges and that I see everything askew. You're the lenses through which I see my life, you shape my understanding and my perception... and I'm only now realizing that what I see isn't the truth but something tainted and spoiled by your influence.

Someone, or something help me please before this comes to a bitter (or wishful) end.

2009-10-17T13:23:00.002-04:00

There's a loonie on my floor.

2009-10-17T12:24:00.000-04:00

My finger tips are holding onto the cracks in our foundation,
and I know that I should let go,
but I can't.
And every time we fight I know it's not right,
every time that you're upset and I smile.
I know I should forget, but I can't.
- Excerpt from Foundations by Kate Nash

Whew.

2009-10-16T20:45:00.001-04:00

I am beyond glad that I made it through today and tonight and finally got home without losing my mind or killing myself.
Absolutely tired.

I love when it rains, and the road is all completely wet and you stop at a red light and all the roads around you are all bright red... I think it's the coolest thing ever.

2009-10-16T12:07:00.001-04:00

Good night... of what I remember?
Eating a salad now.
Work in a few minutes and I need to still shave.

2009-10-13T11:57:00.003-04:00

Not sure what today holds really, so it's going to be very interesting. I know I work until 9pm and then after I'm going to go visit my friend from Windsor, ON who's in town (Well, 30mins away) for the week with work.

A familiar face would be nice.

Ps. I got to go to the gym as soon as I get money, because I'm feeling so shitty about myself lately, it's just getting on my nerves.

My Life

2009-10-13T05:02:00.001-04:00

Why can't I ever get it right, why is it I can have it all and feel like I have nothing?

There's a hole in my life, a missing secret key, but its out of reach... Its so far away and its not fair!

Could I have been SO close to the solution to my heartache and that inner void and ended up tossing it away for a failed attempt at a better future?

It would seem so.

I'm nothing without you, and I don't know how to express this.

ZARDOZ (The movie)

2009-10-12T14:42:00.001-04:00

"Pretty much just Sean Connery running around basically naked showing you his balls dangling everywhere."

Turkeyday Sucks.

2009-10-12T12:51:00.003-04:00

Turkeyday sucks for the following reasons:
1) Everything is closed
2) Everything is closed
3) Everything is closed
4) Not sure what to do on my mandatory day off
5) Everything is closed.

Turkeyday rocks for the following reasons:
1) Forced day off.

2009-10-11T21:18:00.003-04:00

2009-10-11T21:00:00.002-04:00

Omg!

2009-10-11T12:25:00.003-04:00

Omg it's almost Halloween! What a special day of the year for me and I am not even sure what I want to do yet! (Oh yeah and today is Thanksgiving but whatever, that's a stupid holiday anyways, other than giving me a free day off this week!)

I have yet to carve the two pumpkins I bought, so maybe I will do that tonight since I feel a little bit better, but I don't know...
Definitely enjoy driving my car around everywhere and I think tomorrow I'm going to Halifax with one of my friends from Staples, so that'll be nice. I'm totally going there just for Starbucks which is totally loser-ish of me... but I've been craving Starbucks for weeks now! Oh well.

Updates!

2009-10-10T22:39:00.002-04:00

Omg where have I been?? I've become a blog-slacker!

Ok so I finally got the car that I had wanted, and it's absolutely amazing. Last night drove with my friends Jeannie, Melissa and Nick to Antogonish, NS for some McDonalds at like 930pm, drove there and back and drove everyone home, just in time for my 12am driving curfew! (I KNOW it's ridiculous, damn government!)

Here's a picture of my baby.

Cute huh? Yeah I know there's a lot of thing I definitely have to work on and here's the list:
Better Exhaust
Lowered 1.5-2.0"
Better Rims
Tint Windows
HID / Angel Halo Headlamps
LED Tail lights

It's not a HUGE list, but I mean it's definitely going to take some time, and I can't do alot right now because the winter is coming and I don't want to A. Get stuck in snow, or B. Destroy my rims, so I think mostly I will get the windows tinted and better headlamps for the winter! Going to Canadian Tire tomorrow afternoon to check out some prices.

Anyways that's what's new, working a lot lately and not having much time for anything. Plus being sick all I've wanted to do was sleep.

2009-10-07T21:53:00.002-04:00

So I'm definitely very antsy about Friday coming and such and getting the car... and to make matters worst I work 12pm-8pm Friday during the day so the day is just going to drag by I bet. Not to mention I'm getting sick too so it's just gonna be a long ass two days until I finally get my baby in the drive way!

2009-10-07T09:44:00.003-04:00

Ruh roh, called into work today to work 12-8 instead of my day off... which is good because I definitely need the money for paying off that car. But on the flip side, I'm also getting sick and today would have been a good recovery day, so I'll have to bring lots of Vitamin C endowed beverages to work to help combat this cold I think I'm getting!

Ps. Listening to the Wicked! soundtrack and now I realize how obsessed I was with this musical when I know every word to every song. YOIKES!

9 the Movie

2009-10-06T21:59:00.003-04:00

What a cute movie so far.
I mean I'm only half way through and had to stop so the movie could load a little bit more. The plot so far is pretty nice, nothing overly extravagant but it has that Post-Acopolyptic type feel to it, which is what I enjoy.

The animation is really good and almost realistic looking for someone who doesn't have HD or any real good graphics card/video card, so it would probably be that much better in HD.

It's the story of a little rescue mission this puppet figure that has some kind of basic machining inside of him that allow him to move and speak, and have cognitive abilities.

Definitely going to be interesting to see where this movie is going, and I'm sure I'll do a quick update to let you know what I feel about the end of the movie.

I feel this movie hasn't received a lot of publicity which I like, because then I don't get all hyped up about it to be let down after I've seen it. So we're starting at a 0 here and working it's way up real fast, in my books!

*EDIT* Just finished the movie and it was really good! Cute! I didn't know it was a Tim Burton movie until I looked it up, and now I can definitely see his influence on the movies style. Thin plot? I think not! It was a nice little plot. Maybe a 2nd one coming out? That would be neat!

Car Hunting Updates!

2009-10-05T19:59:00.005-04:00

So we went and looked at a 1999.5 (The in between model) VW GTI and I fucking loved it. The price is a lot more steep than I had normally been looking for, but the car is in GREAT condition, looks SO hot and is totally the car I want.

You can do a lot of mods to this particular model. I'm very excited about this.

It's silver, got power everything, moonroof, MANUAL <3 It has a 6CD Change but I don't really prefer but whatever not a big deal. Won't be until late next week before I can afford to put it on the road though because the price of the car kind of put me in the whole but I'm sure I can muster up 500$ somewhere *pukes* I have some pictures I stole from the Kijiji website but I'll have better ones up once I get it washed and cleaned and such!

I can't wait to get to work some shit into this thing, like new rims, tinted windows, etc, maybe a new exhaust tip and some engine mods to tweak the engine! My brothers already have a bunch of shit they want to do to it personally.

I'm really excited/nervous!

But here she is!..

2009-10-02T09:48:00.003-04:00

So I am just up, getting ready right now to go look at Jeannie's car and see what her Dad can do for me price wise. Hopefully not too much needs to get done to it because I really want that car, or just any car in general!

Shower time!

*EDIT* Apparently the water is brown?? So no shower this morning maybe a little later, hopefully before work or I'll be very very cranky at work!!

Updates.

2009-10-01T13:41:00.002-04:00

Today I'm very annoyed. Listening to Yeasayer so that's helping I guess, and waiting to hear from my friend about her car that I might potentially buy, should everything piece together right.

Did my laundry, vacuumed, cleaned my room a bit and now just waiting to go to work for 5pm. I can't wait to get a car so I can just go into the city and meet some people and just have some fun for a change. I think I deserve that by now.

I think once I get my car paid for and such I'm hoping by next week to have enough money to buy a Desktop, which I'll need help purchasing... I know quite a bit about computers and such right now but I know I always want 2nd, and 3rd opinions on what's the best deal because I definitely am buying a new desktop for the sole reason of playing WoW which is kind of nerdy but whatever.

Ps. Once I get a car I am totally joining the nearest gym and getting buff, I'm sick of being pudgy (Well not really pudgy or anything, just not in shape anymore and it's depressing).

I wanna get ripped!

Wednesday Afternoon Shinanigans

2009-09-30T14:36:00.002-04:00

Totally drunk and it's a Wednesday afternoon, that's right!. After work (I finished at 2:30) I decided to have a late lunch paired for a few glasses of wine on an empty stomach.
So needless to say I am GOOD, TO, GO!
What a nice time.

Actually I think I'm going to go to sleep since well... that's my options of events for this evening... not much else to do! Oh except return my Xbox 360 game... but I'm in no shape to be driving anywhere...
Oh shit I'm supposed to go look at a car at 6pm so I better sober up or my parents will be very, very angry! Aha!

2009-09-30T00:09:00.002-04:00

Work wasn't brutal today, and apparently there's a new associate hired so that means less hours for me which is both good and bad...

Bat For Lashes

2009-09-28T22:20:00.005-04:00

So this is Natasha... Natasha Khan (Aka Pearl).
She's the lead singer of my favorite band, Bat For Lashes.

Definitely a different sound to her, it's relaxing and nice. Simple at times, but the beat spices it up.

Both her albums, Fur and Gold and Two Suns, are both deliciously delightful and come highly recommended by me.

And she's damn cute which a borderline personality disorder.

This is what I do with my meaningless life... listen to music and explore random artists from the UK. Yeah for some it brings meaning... some of those people being me.

Ahem...

2009-09-28T22:10:00.000-04:00

My life sucks, it's pretty much confirmed.

2009-09-28T19:09:00.003-04:00

Hey bill
i was there earlier looking at the nissan with my family and we talked it over and if you were willing to accept 1100$ for it I'd definitely be interesting in buying it within the next few days.

If this sounds reasonable to you let me know and we'll swing by for another look and finalize the arrangements,

Thank you,
Zach

Hello Zach

Thanks for getting back to me. I had a lady by this afternoon looking at the car and she is very interested in buying the car if I still have it tomorrow. I told her I need to get $1300.00, so I would have to decline your offer of $1100.00. Thanks Bill

Ok, thanks for the reply. If you or her change your minds let me know, I'd be willing to go as high as $1200 but I can't afford $1300, so just keep me posted.

Thanks,
Zach.

No reply yet... so we'll see what happened there. Kind of depressing I must add, because I convinced myself into really wanting that car, sure its nothing spectacular to look at, but whatever it'd get me around... and that's what I need most right now.

My chocolate.

2009-09-28T18:07:00.001-04:00

A More Extensive About Me

2009-09-28T17:07:00.003-04:00

So I've been forced to do a more extensive About Me post so that you all can get a better idea of who I am, so I delightedly present it to you now:

22 Years old I am currently living in New Glasgow, Nova Scotia, Canada. And I really enjoy the area so far, it's cute and tiny, and it's nestled nicely amongst trees and widespread houses with a nice blend of all the amenities you'd need to get everything done. I moved here July 1st, 2009 from Windsor, Ontario.

Originally born in St. John's, Newfoundland and growing up in Bonavista, Newfoundland I moved to Ontario for the first time when I was just 11 years old an stayed in Oakville, Ontario for approx. 6 years before moving back to St. John's, then from there to Windsor, and so the saga begun.

I am in limbo with finishing my Bachelor's degree in Honors Political Science and I hope to finish it someday, but for right now it's just not me. I regret starting and doing as much of the program as I did, but I've learned that I can only embrace my past and not dwell on the mistakes I've made.

I'm 5'8, currently 145lbs and hoping to slim that down and maybe gain some muscle in the next little while! Getting a car will be step one in that process, because I hate being the skinny guy, I always have, I just never told anyone that.

I used to be anorexic, from grades 9-11, weighing in approximately 105lbs at the same height that I am at right now. I've learned from that though, and you'd definitely see that if you saw me now... definitely not anorexic.

My favorite band is Therion. I feel their lyrics speak something different and agreeable to my soul and my heart. Catchy tunes as well, but most of their lyrics are based around norse heathenism and other pagan references.

I come from a very christian home but I practice nothing of the sort. My faith waivers from time to time and my acknowledgment of a divine power fades depending on the situations I find myself in, but ultimately I believe in a primal Divine spirit that guides us all, whether in the embodiment of Jesus, Buddha, Krishna, Jupiter, Zeus, etc.

I have OCD, and I love things to be perfect especially in respect to my bed, my typing (re: typos) and with people around me. I am obsessed with lines and making sure everything lines up perfectly, whether it be sheets of paper or items on a desk.

I hate repetition and it just stabs deep, if you know me well then you'd know this.

I love cars, and I know a lot about them, which for some is a little confusing because apparently gay guys cannot be so deeply into cars... that's weird?

I'm a homosexual, as anyone close to me knows. I don't think I'm blatantly obvious but I know I don't hide it from anyone, being family or friends... especially friends. If you don't like me for something so basic then how can you like me for the more complex things that are part of my personality.

I love music, all types really... more specifically experimental ambiance (Sigur Ros, Riceboy Sleeps, The Black Atlantic, The Volcano Choir, etc). I am obsessed with Bjork and I have over 500 of her songs as well as some rare ones and some from her previous band, The Sugarcubes. I love and appreciate Indie music for what it is and one of my favorite Indie artists is Dan Auerbach.

I love learning and I am obsessed with knowledge. Richard Dawkins' book The Selfish Gene is probably one of the most profound books I've read. I love learning about Culture and Religions and about where and why people act the way they do. I love understanding.

I know a lot of random things.

I pick "Random Article" a lot on Wikipedia and read them when I am bored.

I love the stars and space.

I am a conspiracy theorist, an animist, a liberal, and a paranormal enthusiast.

I believe in UFOs, extraterrestrial beings, intelligent life out there.

I'm random and complex and it's hard to read me I've been told. I'm cold hearted but warm on the inside when you get to know me.

I love to donate and participate in things that will better the community; the arts, organizations, etc.

When people say "He wouldn't hurt a fly" they were really referring to me with that cliche.

I hate and love people.

I love the color green, but I hate the color green in cars.

I can list 17 things wrong with me that I'd love to change.

I like chocolate Axe deodorant like a lot.

I am obsessed with spraying Febreeze around my room.

I love my bed sheets and my new duvet, they're so comfy. And I paid a huge amount of money for them which is sort of embarrassing.

I love coats and jackets and I don't mind spending ridiculous amounts of money for simple things just because I justify the means subconsciously.

I love butter on my tea biscuits and I put sugar in my tea... sometimes a lot depending on if I feel tired.

I do weird things sometimes that don't make sense solely because I feel it should be done. Almost like a self-inflicted superstitious behavior.

And I guess that clues it all up, and when/if I think of something else I will certainly just throw it in here as this is probably a completely random post and most people either won't understand or pay attention to the flow enough to care. I just felt I should post a more extensive profile of myself as a few people have been asking.

Car Hunting

2009-09-28T14:58:00.003-04:00

Car hunting was kinda depressing... only saw a few cars that I was really interested in.. one a 1995 Nissan Sentra that needs some window tinting and some killer rims to make it a little more appealing but at least it runs nice and the motor purrs like a kitten of sorts.

Looked at a 2001 Ford Focus 2 door ZX3 which needed over 300$ in work done to it but it rode really nice and the engine still purred like a kitten of sorts. Needed an emergency brake cable fixed and some rust touch ups, but he was asking no less than 1500$ for it... and it'd be sitting on the parking lot until I got the necessary items to get it passed by the MVI done...

Depressing... and frustrating.
Maybe I'll go with the 2 door Nissan Sentra... it's cheaper, not the most amazing looking box-type car but at least it runs nice and such.
We'll see what the next week holds, maybe he'd go less for the Sentra in which case I'd probably go for it for sure, maybe 1100$ and I'd be solid.
*Sigh*

PS. Here's the Nissan, nothing special but it's in great condition for a car that's 13 years old.

2009-09-28T01:13:00.001-04:00

Stand up and say it loud, if you're out there.

I Miss You

2009-09-27T23:54:00.000-04:00

I notice I've been saying it less the last few weeks because of all the stress and family shit I've been going through, but I definitely still miss you a lot.
I look forward to tomorrow because I know it's bringing me one day closer to you.

I'm sorry the trip didn't work out, or this summer didn't work out, but I'm hoping something will soon so I can see you again.
<3

Simpsons and Family Guy

2009-09-27T22:04:00.002-04:00

Was pretty good, I enjoyed the little snippit with Everyman and the development of whats-his-face the cartoon guy. Although it wasn't as funny as I had hoped.

Family guy on the other hand was actually pretty good! It's always (9/10) pretty on par with keeping up a hilarity level, and I liked the little universes they went to showing different types of Family Guy characters!

Definitely of the three, Family Guy was the best tonight, followed by Simpsons and then dead last (Sorry Cleveland!) The Cleveland show... although Cleveland Jr. was oddly funny looking which definitely gives a few points there!

The Cleveland Show

2009-09-27T22:01:00.003-04:00

Meh, it was alright I guess... nothing special about it, although it'll be nice to see his character developed a little more.
I mean, he had really cool hair back in the day right?

Simpsons, Cleveland Show, FAMILY GUY!

2009-09-27T19:48:00.002-04:00

Award-winning lineup tonight showing off their new season's premiers! I am SO excited.
Car hunting tomorrow with the parents, so hopefully that doesn't turn into a disaster!

Blog

2009-09-27T10:06:00.002-04:00

As soon as I get time I PROMISE I will update my layout because the last one crashed Haha!
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Therion: Gothica Kabbalah

2009-09-25T08:27:00.000-04:00

Listen when the Sibyl speak
(of) prophecies and ciphers in the sky
Adulruna is her name
I will follow - Come to me!
Fifteen runes (were) revealed to me
A holy message from the Frey to Man
Secret letters in my mind
the door is open in your dreams
From ancient days the Sibyl speaks to me
through the northern wind
the Talisman of Gothic Kabbalah (she) reveals to me
The staves and runes are written in the sky
Read the book of Gog
The Talisman of Gothic Kabbalah (will) unite your soul
Kabbalah Upsalica
Odin, Thor and Frey, you'll find them here
I'm the runic kabbalist, the door is open in your dreams
From thrones and temples of the mighty gods
in the halls above the words and runes of
Gothic Kabbalah (are) once again revealed
The soul will fly, ascending into the sky to the halls above
The words and runes of Gothic Kabbalah
they'll break he chains
From ancient days the Sibyl speaks to me
through the northern wind
the Talisman of Gothic Kabbalah (she) reveals to me
The staves and runes are written in the sky
Read the book of Gog
The Talisman of Gothic Kabbalah (will) unite your soul

Mhm!

2009-09-23T19:47:00.001-04:00

Yes AND yes!

Halo 3: ODST

2009-09-22T19:52:00.001-04:00

The newest 'in between game' in the Halo chronicles is actually quite interesting and well put together for something seen as a "side" project.
ODST: Orbital Drop Shock Trooper
I'm only on the 2nd level right now but I must say I enjoy the storyline so far and the graphics are very true to the original idea of Halo, introducing some new aliens was a little surprise but it's a good way to advance the game as a whole.

2009-09-22T08:09:00.001-04:00

I am totally stalling from going to work... I hate working at Staples and today is a 7 hour shift.

Calm After the Storm

2009-09-21T13:13:00.006-04:00

So I just got back from a little (25mins there, 25mins back) trek to the Sobey's closest to my house. The weather was nice, the area is beautiful and it was just good to be part of nature again. Minus the fact I hadn't eaten since yesterday, and even then only had a slice of pizza before work, it was a good experience.
It's good to calm yourself and look at the bugs flying around the trees, the occasional bee whizzing past your face, and the birds looming around, with the occasional car driving by on the no-side-walked road. I must say the area I live in is beautiful and it's nicely connected to nature and all the trees, and sometimes I get fawns in the backyard!
Anyways the last 24hours have been very stressful so needless to say I needed that little walk to and from Sobeys.
My mother is still being as frustrating as ever, and becoming more and more overbearing... I can't keep my sanity here much longer, and I'm not sure how much more I can take of this, no joke. Last night was almost my breaking point, wherein I just wanted to pack up everything today on my day off and just leave, never come back, and never talk to them again. It's always such an emotional rollercoaster living with them and I thought things were going to be better this time around... but I was so very wrong. Things have gotten worst. And I'm sure they will continue to get worst until I snap.
And so I'll continue to enjoy my chocolate chip eggo's and say FUCK EM.

**EDIT**
Uploaded two pictures I took on the way down my street out of my area.
PS. My phone's camera sucks.

Fuck

2009-09-20T20:03:00.001-04:00

Fuck you.

2009-09-20T13:09:00.002-04:00

2009-09-20T13:04:00.001-04:00

*Crosses fingers*
By friday I should have enough for the car I want + the insurance deposit!